Someone I never met, but in a way I know

Life is weird, things come up that remind you everything is relative. I met this girl a few months back, she is really cool, and I instantly knew there was something intrinsic about her we had in common, just the way she acted reminded me of the cool people I once knew from my past.

I asked her where she was born, and it turns out my intuition was correct, we were from the same province, it's so queer how one is able to instantly pick up on things based on another persons actions.

It's kind of like people who can catch lies by understanding the subtle changes in a persons voice, or gestures, it's kind of remarkable, I'm always flabbergasted at people with these unique abilities. I know this dude who can make this weird noise that sounds like a midget being raped by a baboon, and whenever he does this deer will show up.

It's like a superpower (albeit really lame one), still I wish I had a lame superpower...
I also wish I had a dog, I get really lonely because the fucking people in this granny fucking city suck, and aren't up to doing anything other than drugs, uhhhggg.

I do plan on getting a dog soon, after I move to my new place, I'm going to go to the pound and get the most hideous dog they have that's slated to be killed because it's so fugly and grotesque, I'm going to name it after an ex girlfriend, yeah that seems like a solid plan.

Then again my "solid plans" never really transpire how I think they will, I recently took a trip to an art gallery opening in Los Angeles, the plan was to take the amtrak, and then get a room at a hotel. When I took my trip I didn't bring any U.S.D. because I assumed that since the Canadian Dollar is above par, retailers in the U.S. would just accept my money, that would turn out to be a devastating assumption.

Anyway my story begins after I took the amtrak (that was cool and fun), but when I got to L.A. it was 1:00am and everything was closed except the nightclubs, but I wasn't too worried about it cause I just figured I'd check into the hotel and all would be well.

But when I got to the hotel and tried to pay the cashier, he looked at my money, then looked at me with a hideous, contorted scowl, and scoffed "we don't take your Canadian funny money here", and I replied "alright that's fine, but can you please tell me where I can exchange my money?".

He refused to answer my question and hobbled off, leaving me carrying all my luggage, and a very shady part of California (Venice Beach), so after an hour of walking and dodging chainsaw jugglers, and rat handlers, I came across a strip plaza!

The plaza even had a currency exchange place...
Of course it was closed, so at this time I tried to call my one friend in California from my cell to see if he could lodge me for the night, unfortunately because I have a Canadian cell, it wouldn't work in the states...

I then proceeded to enter the 24 hour liquor mart, and asked them if I could use their phone to call my friend, the teller told me it was a business phone, so no dice. That was so fucking lame, that shit would never happen in Canada...

So I decided to camp out in front of the currency exchange place until it opened, it was nice enough outside that I figured I could do it comfortably. Around 3:00am a nice Mexican gentleman comes up to me and asks what's going on, I speak to him in spanish and explain my situation, he looks at me and says "shit man that sucks", then smirks and says with a toothy grin "YOU CAN STAY WITH ME TONIGHT!".

I figure since I need to make it to the art gallery tomorrow, and need some rest, I'll accept this extremely shady proposition.

We walked to his truck, I get inside, and what happens next is scary, the dude locks the truck and starts weeping profusely, about how "Romney fucked him", and how he can't afford to feed his kids.

After the water works end, he does a line of coke, and we drive to his place, when we enter his apartment, I see a chunky woman standing with her arms crossed looking directly at me... OH SHIT!

She goes batshit crazy and starts screaming at my new found friend, "who the fuck is this?! Why the hell do you keep bringing these people home?!", Then she starts whipping pots and dishes at us, so we book it back to the dudes truck. He looks at me and says "sorry bro we can't stay here tonight, but I know some friends that will definitely let us crash at their place!".

So I hop back in his truck, and we drive to the back of a Walgreens parking lot, in the bushes we find a group of illegals smoking weed, and doing coke.

The boss of this group walks up to me and says "hey brother you friends with Carlos?", I nodded not knowing the implications of doing so, and this "boss", looks at me and says with eyes wide open "If you're a friend of Calrlos then you're a friend of mine, here have a line".

To which I responded "naw man, I think I'm good", he looks at me and says "you sure?", I shake my head like a pants on head retard and mutter "it's a really generous offer, but I'm good".

So anyway I'm sit with these dudes for a few hours, then we see a light, and a helicopter goes by, and I hear one of them scream "IT'S THE ICE!!! RUN!!!".

Now being the innocent Canadian I am, I think I'm in no trouble since I have my passport and shit, but Carlos grabs me and says we need to run because "they catch us all", so he grabs me, and shoves me in some bushes with 5 other Mexicans.

At this point I don't know what circle of hell I'm in but I know it's got to be pretty bad (and smells like Mexican sardines).

So I spent 4 fucking hours in a horribly contorted position sandwiched together between the five other Mexicans, until the police stopped arresting people, and I was able to escape.

At this point it was morning, and I was able to change my monies, and visit the art gallery, even though I was exhausted.

Life can turn fucking weird.

P.S. the first act of "A Twisted Transparency", is almost done!

Thanks,
- Celx