My vices are also my virtues...

Celx Requin @Celx-Requin

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It must blow to be female...

Posted by Celx-Requin - October 24th, 2012

I actually wrote something completely different, but opened a new window by accident that deleted all of it...
What I wrote before took me a while, and I'm too upset to re-write it, plus it's going to be more relevant next month, so in lue of that here are thoughts on things completely unrelated.


A lady friend, and I went to a film a few days back, and afterwards we went out for a couple of drinks, in between our boozy discussion she told me that she had split from her boyfriend. I've always had a massive hard on for this girl, which greatly disturbs me to the point I think I may be suffering from a paraphilia considering how much she aggravates me, and vice versa.

My attraction to her is also weird considering I'm not fond of brunettes, and her "sugary earth child" attitude makes me want to puke a little, although she is well read, and likes to get out so that may be it.

This news overwhelmed me and I started making several inappropriate passes towards her, if you know me personally I'm not really one who's concerned with being likeable, or politically correct, I think most people would describe me as a likeable asshole.

Even so these passes were genuinely offensive, in retrospect even to me, and ended up garnering me a well deserved bitch slap.

Overall though she seemed alright by the end of the night, and I gave her a hug ect...
The next day I apologized, and haven't heard back from her in days, so clearly that is not the case.

Which is the standard operating procedure between us, I do or say something to piss her off, we don't talk for a month then somehow we become chummy again, it's a horrible vicious cycle really... I think she likes pissing me off, which is fair since the feeling is mutual.

This whole incident did get me thinking though, it must kinda suck to be a woman, they need to deal with so much shit that men don't need to.

I mean they need to shave their arms and legs, deal with weird vagina problems, the grossness of pregnancy, pain of childbirth, guys willing to do and say anything to get into their pants then dump them like trash afterwards (at least on this front I am innocent).

Allow me to continue, they also need to deal with expensive ad campaigns that promote an unrealistic body image, shit from men for being too "promiscuous", shit from rejected men for being too "stuck up", lewd comments, and consistent passes (which I am so totally guilty of).

There is more of course, I can't fathom what it's like to be a woman, which is why my philosophy has always been to treat girls I like as "one of the guys", which has met mixed results.

That night I was probably too candid though, but if I need to defend myself I will do so by relaying this story I was told as a kid by some random homeless drunk Indian.

" There once was a wolf that was terrorizing a small village eating the townspeople, the wolf lived in a cave at the top of a desolate mountain.

One day there was an earthquake, and the wolf became trapped in the cave under some rocks, a child who must have been a retard or something decided to adventure up the mountains, and came across the cave where the wolf resided.

The wolf noticed the child and said "Hey kid help me out here, I'm trapped under these rocks, and they're squishing my nuts."

The kid said "Man I don't know, you like eat people".

The wolf replied "Guy don't be cold, my balls are getting crushed, I promise if you let me go I won't eat you, we're going to be super tight after this, and I'll let you ride on my back, you will get laid so bad".

The child stood in pensive thought, and after a bit of time decided to take the wolf up on his offer.

Once freed the wolf bite out the child's neck, and as he lay dying the child exclaimed "man what the fuck!? We had a deal!".

To which the wolf snickered "Dude what did you expect? I'm a fucking wolf".
Then he ate his carcass."

My point is I'm an unrepentant asshole, so what did she expect?
Furthermore I'm a guy, and if you've ever listened to Glenn Wilson's lectures on male and female sexuality you'll know men get drunk off women they're attracted to (seriously being attracted to a women will impair a man's judgment).

Even so all that shit must be fucking infuriating, thank god the only "gina" I have is a "mangina".

Also on a related note you guys should watch the cartoon "Perfect Blue", it's creepy and perfect for halloween. There will be a massive announcement next week!

- Celx


There's no sex has it easier than the other, there's crushing social norms and implications around both in different ways.

Naw man women need to get credit for being tougher on this one, yeah we both need to deal with weird social norms, but women also have crushing biological issues to contend with.

I just have a smoking habit, and grey hair from constant stress, and a balding scalp due to consistently wishing for death...

Thank god I don't have to "deal with weird vagina problems".

I know right,
uhggg the menstrual cycle...

oh and also maybe it would help if you read this <a href="http://celx-requin.newgrounds.com/news/post/743888">http://celx-requin.newgrounds.com/news/post/74 3888</a>

The irony of my situation is I am a massive feminist at heart, well sort of, in as much as a caustic person like myself can be.

But them's good reading for sure, one day I'm sure I'm going to be mailed a pipe bomb...

One day, some day, when everyone else stops making shitty spam posts so too will I...

But you're right I should have included something relevant to an artistic endeavour, I'm helping "theonewithoutaname" with programming her comic book again, out of the kindness of my cold icy heart.

intresting read again celx though you got one thing wrong wolves dont eat people dangos and coyotes do i know it was part of your story but in soul i myself am a wolf so please understand -sincerly, Fenrir Wolf

I profusely apologize...
- Celx

Shaving is optional, but thanks for your Creepypasta. :)

I never did buy into that &quot;but I'm a guy&quot; wrap. It's always been a big front to perpetuate the male myth. But whatever. If you want to live up to that image, that's you. The way I see it you got the reaction you were looking for. So why cry about it? You want to bang her because the game you play is exciting. It's pretty typical, dude.

Perfect Blue is a heck of a movie. :)

Oh I'm not crying about that, she's just perplexing...

I do think there is some merit in that argument though, our reactions are partially becuase of our chemical composition, and that's why men & women are so different.

The balance of genders was understood and accepted through human history, UNTIL the western world for a few decades now; there hasn't been an American draft in 50 years.

But just wait until the human cycle of war picks back up and everybody who is forced by their government to participate are receiving such mandate simply for having a penis, and we'll all understand why women have their own separate, smaller problems.

There has never been balance between genders, which is why "vagina dentata", "pandora's box", and "genesis" are historic tales that have painted women as either "something" to be feared, hated, or blamed for man's problems.

There are still cases of female circumcision, and the fact that the U.S. is still having a debate on women's rights in regards to their reproductive organs is proof women are still being treated like shit.

&quot;Grossness of pregnancy&quot;, LMFAO! Good story. If you really wanted her the best way is, to tell her that you want her but only once, and never again, let it be her decision. If she teases you with it and doesn't follow though then she's an asshole and you deserve better:~)

Naw I'm the asshole, but it's cool...

Everyone has it hard, everyone's a victim.

Men are harassed when they're NOT promiscuous, are constantly expected to be successful and attractive if they wish to get the girl, have little to no hope of winning any sort of child custody dispute, are belittled if they're the casualty of assault from a female opponent (or indeed, are inferior to a girl in any way regardless of competence), are outright called losers unless their dicks are of a sufficient size, blah blah blah, boo hoo hoo.

People just have different problems because of aspects of their lives that they have no real control over. I do however agree with the following:

- Juding women by their merits and finesse in their chosen disciplines, not by what's between their legs.
This is what I've always believed that feminism is about. Seeing girls as people, not automatically as inferior lifeforms and certainly not putting them on a pedestal. I think most people, including a lot of self-proclaimed feminists themselves, miss that point.
- Dealing with the problems over having a vagina must be fucking awful
I mean seriously, menstruation, menopause, YEAST infections, there's no denying they drew the short end of THAT stick.

Anyway that was actually a really well-worded post and I enjoyed reading it. Nice work, dude!

I will grant you two of your points, men are expected to be successful if they want to find a partner, and child custody disputes usually go to women regardless of the competence of the male involved.

The rest isn't really true, at least not in my case or any of my immediate friends cases, and I have a tiny peni weeni, I mean other males may rip on you for having a small dick... In those cases I'd be like "dude why do you care about my man junk so bad, are you a cock gobbler?".

I agree with the rest of what you said though.

Bah, women aren't objectified any more than men in ad campaigns, they just have feminists to complain about it in their screeching voices. AND this herculean male stereotype involves just as much shaving.

Also, women bleed once a month, sure, but I had daily erections in math class all through high school. Who has it worse? Seemed like a tie to me when I had to go answer a question at the board...

Fair enough, though my boners were always delightful, and I very much enjoyed making my pants dance in front of people.

Even so biologically I still think women got it worse.

It's not even that bad. For most women, I mean.
Both sexes have shitty things characteristics they're supposed to deal with. It's part of being human.

If you think about it, guys have to deal with having their mega vulnerable junk on the outside of their bodies. You can get kicked and stuff. If someone squeezes your balls hard enough, you can straight up die.
I'm sure glad I don't have those.

You guys get robbed blind for insurance, too. That's all I've got right now. lol

Interesting points...

It must blow to be involved with the human race, period.

I stopped trying to do that years ago. Why endure all the impossible hellish bullshit of other people when you have yourself to contend with? Why inflict upon others your bullshit, conversely speaking? It's more stress than what you're worth, for one. For another, there is a good case how most everyone never falls in love and marries out of fear of living alone. The xenophobic conspiracy theorist living out in the woods has both a point and an edge on the rest of you.

Anyway, a variation of that parable is the Scorpion by the river, wondering how to cross it; he petitions a Fox to stay on his head as he crosses, but halfway across manages to sting him in the head, fatally paralyzing him and causing both to drown. When asked why, the Scorpion can only apologize, for &quot;it's my nature.&quot;

In other words, the promise of reaching mutual goals is killed not by trust, but by not controlling impulses.

What I see is how you do not foresee dire consequences for being an unrepentant (and also likeable?) asshole, because nothing can touch you--nothing you can't see, at least. Social Trolling if you will. And it doesn't seem as though you have a long-term hard-on for the girl you insulted since you don't appear to have enough in common or enjoy what you understand about her, beyond that self-destructive vicious cycle you described, by no means a foundation for a relationship; there must be SOME level of peace between you two! I've met guys like you, and they're all the same: insulting, infuriating, if pragmatic and non-committal, their disbelief in long-term intimacy and monogamy runs cold and deep. Lack of faith and trust... that's what they really suffer from. Hard to kick-start a relationship with a closed heart, no matter how likeable you are.

The worst part of your grandstanding defense is that, despite the obvious empathy demonstrated by your article, you don't illustrate that on the fly. That is probably because you can improvise appropriate responses with the guys, as you say, but fail to translate this to a woman who has just quit a relationship. Bad timing. Give her time. If you find it hard to speak to her, try writing a letter. You'd be surprised how much sentiment you can convey without rehearsing beforehand. And write it SOBER!

Yet, if she expects ONLY an unrepentant asshole....

I do have a hard on for her, and that's the thing that disturbs me the most, it really does feel at this point as though I'm a slave to a biological predisposition.

The rest isn't really true, most people love me or hate me, those are the two extremes I'm used to, I really can't figure her out.

But you're right I've grown progressively cynical, and I'm a pragmatist, I think people falling in love is kind of a quixotic ideal. The divorce rate is around 60%, and I work in two different professions that illustrate the fragility of love on a consistent basis. It's not that I don't believe in the possibility of finding someone, I still have a wedding ring I was going to give to my ex-fiance a couple of years back before shit hit the fan, I just feel the chances of things working out are slim.

I'm not afraid of dying alone, I am however terrified of not being able to leave behind a biological legacy, once I have kids my search for a companion should end, hopefully because I'll be happy with whomever I have children with.

Failing that though I'm fine with just fucking to find relief from sexual tension, and I'm sure I'll have plenty of company to hit on once I die and go to hell haha :)

Hahaha, Sabtastic. *wipes away a tear*

She did have a point, protect you balls!