Newgrounds.com — Everything, By Everyone.

Fear & Loathing In Canada:

So last week I was in my room slamming back a J.W. Gold and Xanax cocktail, to help deal with the hideous pulsating pain permeating from my mouth, when in my highly inebriated state I hear a loud slamming sound coming from outside my room.

I get up from my desk nearly tripping over myself, upon exiting my room I see some dude that can best be described as a dirty Gandolf looking figure, trying to break through my back door window. I shouted out "Eh what the fuck are you doing cock-sucker?!", buddy says nothing and continues slamming on the window.

I'm not a very imposing figure, but I sure as shit wasn't going to let some crackhead looking dude steal my shit for junk money without a fight!

So I go outside, which in retrospect was probably a bad idea even if I was sober because I'm a very frail individual, but none the less I confronted the "dirty Gandolf", looked him right in his eye and said "hey asshole get off my property".

He responded with a ear shattering banshee scream "RABALELALAALALAVOMITATTCK", and lunged at me with his arms flailing like a manic suicide bomber. I ran away as quickly as I could, in part because I was afraid for my life, and in part because I didn't want hobo juices on me...

Have you ever had those dreams, where you try to escape and the floor turns to quicksand, or you're legs get heavy for some reason? Yeah, well running is like that in real life when you're super sloshed/medicated, fortunately the hobo Gandolf was pretty fucked up too and was tripping all over the place, but was somehow catching up to me.

THEN I FUCKING FELL HARD, and "Gandolf" caught up to me, and I shit you not started trying to tear off my pants, fearing I was going to get killed or man raped, I spotted something out of the corner of my eye, my hose with it's water gun nozzle attached was within reach.

So I snagged it, quickly set the nozzle to "high pressure", and soaked the "Dirty Gandolf". The water was fucking cold, and mix that with Canada's less than hospitable February climate acts like kryptonite to homeless thieves.

So with that the would be man rapist let out a blood curdling "EEEEEEEEE", and ran into the darkness, leaving my virgin asshole intact, and still exit only...

The end...

In other news:

A Twisted Transparency has reached the 50% mark, I uploaded a new adult poster to the art portal, if only to keep interest, it has boobies in it, cause you know the kids only pay attention to tits these days.

So far I have about 6 minutes of film sorted out in chronological order, the end result should be 20 minutes!

Thanks,
- Celx