Celx-Requin's News

Bad Taste Spenny Videogame Project NG EXCLUSIVE + Final Film

2013-11-17 06:17:40 by Celx-Requin
Updated

Hello Everyone,

I was gone for a few months visiting a special someone in Texas, and what a wonderful trip it was, I visited the funeral museum, bought ten packs of my favourite $40.00 cigarettes, went to the Alamo drafthouse, and lastly bought a cool stetson.

Anyway I'm back now, and even though I wanted to announce this during October, I am working on a video game with Sherbalex, and Canadian comic icon Spencer Nolan Rice from the hit show "Kenny vs Spenny" is also involved in a big way.

The game is called "Bad Taste", and we're gunning for an M rating, and a release on steam for PC/Mac, the game will play kind of like a hybrid between "Mark of the Ninja" and "Hotline Miami".

Sherbalex is doing the art on the project, and is currently living with me while we work on this project, he's a super cool guy, and we're making a lot of cool shit (actually he's making a lot of cool shit I'm just standing over his shoulder being a creep).

We also have a cool band that hopefully will end up in the game, they started on newgrounds, so I think it would be really cool if we get them to come onboard, and keep this project within the community as much as we can...

In roughly 9 months I hope to talk to Tom Fulp to see if we can upload an exclusive demo of the game here, that's my hope, it's a project made for the newgrounds crowd, so it would be cool to work something out with him.

And I am aware that people on newgrounds can be all like hey "I'm working on a project with so and so" and it turns out being bullshit, but not in this case, it's a done deal, the contracts have been signed and Spencer has approved my script.

Other people are coming on board which is pretty cool, in a few days the game website will launch, so if you want a sneak peak of what were working on bookmark http://www.celx-requin.com.

Sherbalex will be making a front page post in a day or two when the site is ready, so keep your eye's peeled.

On a dour note, all this cool stuff means I probably won't be updating my newgrounds much while working on this project, but I'll never leave newgrounds either.

Also my trilogy of comics are finally complete if you guys wanna check those out:

1). Cooljaw
2). The Sugar Claws
3). A Twisted Transparency

Wish us luck!
Love you guys,
- Celx Requin

P.S. in Texas you can smoke in bars!

Bad Taste Spenny Videogame Project NG EXCLUSIVE + Final Film



Hello,

I'm producing a project with what I feel are two of the most talented up and coming newgrounders, it's going to be violent, disgusting, and oh so much fun...

We'll give everyone a taste of things to come in October, when we do you'll keep coming back like a fat kid seeking his next chocolate fix.

I'm usually the talkative type, but this time I'm keeping real quiet... :)

Also I took "A Twisted Transparency" down for a variety of reasons, it'll be back up someday...

I need to pack for a trip to the United States, spending several days on a train isn't going to be much fun, but I've got Xanax, a pack of B&H cigarettes, and my trusty flask to help pass the time.

See everyone next month,
- Celx


Thank you for giving me all of your wonderful time! (Final Project)

2013-08-17 19:38:12 by Celx-Requin
Updated

A Twisted Transparency Released:

After 5 long years my trilogy is complete, what started with "Cooljaw: Dreaming Darkly", was followed by "The Sugar Claws: Full Course", and now finally ends with "A Twisted Transparency".

I'm ecstatic my comics can finally be viewed as a whole body of work, I think by doing so one may be able to better understand what I was trying to achieve with the series, and notice how each of the stories are indirectly related to each other.

Started this project as a way to deal with some things that happened in my life, as well as to work out questions I play around with at night in my head. While the main theme that ties each of the stories is violence, they also dealt with other subjects that I found interesting and troubling.

I feel that this news post should serve as a sort of postmortem to each of my stories, with that being said below you can read about the genesis, and goals of each specific project (Extreme Spoilers Below):

CoolJaw: Dreaming Darkly|

This project started when a cab driver friend of mine was diagnosed with Lung Cancer, during this period he was battling a heavy drug problem, and trying to make peace with his three children .

It was devastating to see someone who's had destroyed his life, and relationship with his children come to a realization that he was dying, and had lost the opportunity to care for those he loved.

It was also heartbreaking to see this same person try to salvage what he could with the little time he had left, it left a deep imprint on me, this experience was what spurred me to make a story about a deeply flawed individual coming to terms with death, and his attempts and making peace.

One of the themes I wanted to touch on in Cooljaw was the idea of hereditary evil, is Colin violent because of his upbringing, or is it something he's biologically predisposed to? The nature vs. nurture debate is something troubling to me, are we slaves to our genetics, and is violence something that passes on from one generation to another?

Colin made a choice at the end of the Cooljaw, in my eye's he did so because he's vindictive, yet he also did so as a means to give his son a new start. By killing Harper he was trying to assume responsibility, and implicate himself for the sculptor murders, as well as silence the only witness who knew who was actually behind the sculptor murders.

Thematically Cooljaw is about someone who was a victim of violence deciding to seek retribution, and salvation, vicariously through violence, and the consequences at which that comes.

The Sugar Claws: Full Course

The genesis of this story stems back to an old girlfriend I once dated, things were fine between us for several months, then suddenly without warning her whole disposition changed.

She would have mood swings, started drinking heavily, and would break out sobbing, eventually the relationship came to an end, and I heard through a mutual friend the reason she changed was because she got raped. Looking back on things I wish I could have known, I would have acted differently, but at the same time a person in that position is so fragile, it's understandable why one would want to keep that quiet.

And that's the way I approached "The Sugar Claws" from the perspective of someone who was being abused, and their attempts to ignore the problem, instead of confronting it, or seeking help. "The Sugar Claws" is allegorical for Maple's problem, as Maple develops an eating disorder in order to feed the creature, "The Sugar Claws" becomes stronger, while Maple becomes weaker.

Until finally everything come to a tragic conclusion, hence the rational as to why I consider this story to be a modern fairytale.

A Twisted Transparency|

The story behind "A Twisted Transparency" stems from the news that came to light after the war documents were leaked to wikileaks, and the question as to whether violence is justifiable to prevent more violence.

As well as whether hiding our societies involvement in crimes against people that have been wronged, is justified if it were to prevent retribution.

The end of this story has the protagonist decide to spare someone who murdered his lover, and attempted to kill him, he does so because felt their was no reason to kill someone if wouldn't change the past. The character also comes to the realization that the life he chose to engage in is responsible for the response of the antagonist.

In doing so the character was able to recover, and move forward; yet at the same time a serial killer gets to live on and potentially kill and harm others, there is a moral ambiguity to that action that has it's own set of consequences.

"A Twisted Transparency's" depiction of the choice to be passive towards violence was meant to be the most complex, even if one chooses to accept, let go, and move past violence that was once done to them, there may still be repercussions in doing so.

Hidden Meanings:

There is an underlying theme to the trilogy, that each action has a consequence, and we are all indirectly affected by others choices and actions, for better and for worse.

I tried to illustrate this by having minor characters become major characters in later stories (In Cooljaw you can see Sirrel with his brother (in the second act), Nate moves from Peaksville to Archorage to work the sculptor case, ect).

Closing Thoughts:

The trilogy is over now, and as I mentioned earlier I am happy it's complete, yet at the same time I'm sad to see it end, these characters, and stories helped get me through some difficult times.

Yet everything has to come to an end eventually if there is to be any closure, and working on these films certainly has been a cathartic experience, it helped me purge a lot of negativity from my person.

I refute the claim that my work is nihilistic, apathetic, or misanthropic, these are stories about people who continue to live and struggle despite everything, hoping to change something, instead of waiting on nothing.

Not long are the days of wine and roses.
Sincerely,
- Celx Requin

Post Script: My film is getting raped, which is sad, whatever I'm still proud of it, I guess silent movies have gone out of style, tis a shame, alas it was the risk I took.

Thank you for giving me all of your wonderful time! (Final Project)


You are pathetic repulsive nothings... (The Problem With Newgrounds)

2013-06-09 09:27:12 by Celx-Requin
Updated

There is nothing connate to your existence that makes you special:

After viewing a bunch of front page posts bitching about newgrounds, and the lack of "traffic", and "exposure" artists here are getting, I feel I need to break my silence on the matter.

The main underling problem with newgrounds isn't that any features that are missing, the source of all this malaise is simple; everyone here can't accept they've become pathetic entitled brats.

There are 6 billion people on the planet, and being an artist is one of the most competitive and saturated pursuits one can choose to be a part of, art is intrinsic to our origins after all (cavemen paintings, tribal markings, ect).

If you feel your material is better than others, you'll need to prove it, so fucking be ready to claw, and scratch to make a name of yourself, this is a winners game and the failures will die off...

Life owes no one anything, and the beauty about newgrounds is that there is nothing that makes one better than anyone else, the ONLY thing that will separate one's work from another's is one's skill in their respective medium. If you want exposure without lowering yourself to creating parodies, you're going to need to create something amazing, and be ready to promote it.

The complaint I don't understand from all these "artists" is about how they feel the portal system is broken, or the "lack" of tools to promote ones work, they can't possibly be serious?

If you've cut your teeth, and garnered an award in your medium, YOU CAN FUCKING POST ON THE FRONT PAGE!

Name one other fucking mainstream website that gives you this wonderful privilege, or even better name one that allows you to do this for free, you certainly won't find that feature possible on youtube...

The portal system is perfect, it makes it so your work needs to be seen, and rated prior to being allowed on the website, it filters the good from the bad, and allows the exceptional works to shine. Furthermore take into account that newgrounds offers a financial incentive to those voting on submissions (the $100.00 draw at the end of each month), so what more can really be asked?

The experience system is another magnificent aspect of newgrounds, those users who've seen and voted on more films are given more voting power, it gives those who've put in the time to develop an opinion and understanding of the medium a say worth more than that of the layman. Doing so helps make those submissions that deserve to do well a better chance of getting exposure, vs a poorly created submission crammed with stupid pop culture references made to pander to the lowest common denominator.

I'm a pragmatist, I know there are a few things that could be done to make the portal more efficient, but the system itself works, look at TastesLikeAnya's "Fire Tiger Vs Acid Pather", it's her first submission and it has 42000+ views, the reason why is because it's quality content.

She's not the exception to the rule, these are some other recent submissions from first timers that did exceptionally well:

- dex00's Ninja Action
- ianmichaelmiller's Cheap Joke
- Pennaz's Cartoon Genders ( this is actually the artists second submission, but his first was also well received).

The trait that all these submissions share in common is that they are well done, the good films/games do get recognition, it's the mediocre, and poor efforts that fall into obscurity.

An astonishing thing about newgrounds is it's tolerance towards darker adult oriented material, can you imagine something like Anusboy, The Worst, or Powertrip, getting the same amount of in house support or exposure outside of newgrounds?

I mean fuck, most of the time on other websites adult content isn't permitted period...
The ability to express oneself without compromise is something so rare, that newgrounds deserves serious commendations for allowing adult content to be hosted, even though it must cut into it's advertising profits.

Newgrounds is still a bleeding edge website, everyone with a dream and enough of a desire can get some recognition, but no one here should just feel entitled to it, that's hypocritical ostentation at it's worst, and it's repulsive and makes me sick.

Stop complaining, grow up and live up to your potential, or fuck off cause the world doesn't give a shit for crybaby failures.
With love,
- Celx



This Is The Final Update + Five Year NG Anniversary:

I noticed something tonight, in four days I will have contributed content to newgrounds for five years, it's kinda crazy when I think about it, frankly I never thought I would have the drive to complete one of my series, let alone be close to finishing three.

I was going to write a long retrospective post about the individual stories in my series, and what they mean to me, but I feel I should save these thoughts as closing remarks once my trilogy comes to it's conclusion next month.

So for now I will leave you with a not so terse update...

"A Twisted Transparency" is on the cusp of completion, after spending the majority of this month animating, & slamming back "Kraken Run", and "Johnnie Walker: Gold Label", I've finally managed to reach "Act III" of my film, this is the last act in the story...

The film currently runs for 8 minutes, and the finished product will be anywhere between 12-15 minutes, I am not completely certain at this point.

What I can say, is without a doubt this is my masterpiece, it's taken me five years to set up the trilogy of stories (the prior two were "Cooljaw: Dreaming Darkly", and " The Sugar Claws"), and this is going to be the coda to finish off my "tapestry of violence" with a bang.

I've taken everything I've learned, and created something which pushed my skills as an artist, storyteller, programmer, and animator, I honestly feel that this may be the first time a film will be presented in this matter to newgrounds.

My hope is that once it's done I'll be able to leave a small mark on the portal, I know my film is not going to get a million views, but it's been a pure uncorrupted venture; and I would be happy if even a small majority of people view the whole of my work and feel some kind of connate connection to it afterwards.

I have no idea what I'll be doing afterwards, and that perhaps is something to discuss once the film is released.

My liver hates me right now, but I've almost made it to the end, and I'm feeling fucking awesome right now!
(Once this cartoon is over I swear I'm going to cut back on the sauce).

Aside from the main film/comic, these are the bonus features my release will include (hopefully if there is time):

- Tour of the Cancer-Cinema Office (including the cringe inducing picture of the Johnnie Walker "graveyard").
- Precursor Comic Book*.
- A Twisted Transparency Pilot document*.
- Deleted Scenes feature.
- Design Dossier*.
- Promotional Images gallery.
- Audio Commentary (this one is really iffy, for a variety of factors).

The features with a "*" are already completed!

P.S. I'm trying to cram as much cool stuff into this release as I can so if you have any suggestions as to what you would like to see as bonus features please let me know!

Guido Crepax:

Before Frank Miller, Brian Azzarello, or any of the other "mature" comic book artists, or writers, there was Guido Crepax.
A chameleon cool, Italian comic book artist and writer born in 1933, the man shattered every taboo and stereotype regarding comics; he elevated the art form to something that wasn't only meant for children.

Obviously there were "tequila bibles" released prior targeted towards adults, but these were humour based satire strips, not comics meant to reach out to readers on a "mature" intellectual level.

Crepax saw the potential in the medium to introduce serious themes, mixing sex and violence in his adaptation of the Marquis de Sade's"Justine", and "Story of O", while commenting of the nature of power, sadism, masochism, and love within the pages of his graphic novels.

His most famous series "Valentina" portrayed the life of a fashion photographer, and featured some of the most complex dreamy visual motifs I've seen in comic books, mixing sex, philosophy, politics, bondage, and humour, this series set the bar for adult comics.

With his wonderfully distinct and salient art style, honed from years working as an artist for fashion magazines, Crepax was able to depict his stories with astonishing beauty, with even his more salacious work having some allure to it.

Crepax was that rare kind of artist who wasn't afraid to cause controversy, yet didn't actively seek it either, his work was graphic and overtly sexual, yet it never was too much to come off as obscene or distasteful.

Even in his personal life Crepax comes off as a kind of an enigma, a man with a fascination with bondage, who wrote numerous stories about infidelity, promiscuity, and sexual sadism, was good natured, remained married to his spouse until his death, and had several children.

Crepax never fit the into the stereotype that one would typically associate with someone who draws erotic comics, he looked good, dressed sharp, was sociable, and loved those around him (especially his attractive wife, whom Valentina was said to be based on).

His work was able to obtain literary praise from the media, and Crepax even managed to attract the attention of (and keep a correspondence with) silent film star Louise Brooks (the visual inspiration for Valentina), the comics were also adapted into the film "Baba Yaga".

Crepax was the boss, a rare creature that helped transform the comic book industry, tragically overlooked within western culture, and slowly being lost to time elsewhere.

Crepax is one of my few heroes, his artwork inspired me, and connected to something intrinsic to my person, and there will never be another creature like him...

So cheers, and hope to see you next month!
Sincerely,
- Celx Requin

P.S. I need a few people to be beta testers for my film once it's complete, if your interested please let me know!

I'm slowly killing myself, final film update + 5 Years on NG! + Guido Crepax



:

So after getting a bunch of wisdom teeth pulled out, my doctor instructed me to take it easy for a few days so I could recover from the blood loss. During this time I decided to flip through my dvd collection looking for something to watch while I lay in bed in stoic agony.

After a while of searching I come across a dvd of a show I hadn't seen in a while, MTV's "The Maxx". The series based off of the Sam Keith graphic novels, about seemingly unrelated people (and creatures) with dark interconnected pasts, who are all intrinsically tied to a homeless "superhero" known as "The Maxx" ,

it's a bizarre series that deals with themes of murder, mental illness, pedophilia, among other unpleasant things. It's an easy story to follow, but an almost impossible one to explain, with levels of depth and meaning that can be appreciated upon second viewings.

The detailed artwork in the series is amazing, the unique character designs, and funky backgrounds, give the series it's salient look, frankly it's the closest thing to a "living" comic book I've ever seen.

The casting is perfect, each of the voice actors adds a certain flair to the characters they portray.

There is a scene I remember seeing when I was younger, it takes place on a cliff, and the main character is talking to "The Maxx", while he clips her toenails, before she ends up getting frustrated and starts biting them herself. To this day that scene stands out in my mind, for two reasons.

The first is because it was so weird to see the actual image itself, it proved to me that animation is a medium without compromise, I knew from that moment on that I could tell a story in animation exactly the way I wanted to, and the only thing it would cost me is time.

The second reason is I found that scene profound, it took me a while to understand why, now I feel it's because it was a human moment in the mist of all this craziness, and it was shocking to feel a connection towards cartoon characters. It was a cathartic moment in my life when I realized that cartoons didn't just need to be humorous, but could be serious as well.

Telling stories is a connate part of being human, arguably it's the defining thing that makes us unique as a species, cavemen painted the things and stories that mattered to them on walls. That's why I'm continue to animate my vanity project, spending 8-12 hours of my free time doing so, because the story is important to me, and animation allows me to tell it free from the bondage of the impossible.

Thanks,
- Celx

P.S. I'm curious as to why others decided to pick up animation as a story telling medium...
P.P.S. The second act in "A Twisted Transparency" is almost done!

The life changing experience of watching a girl biting her toenails, beside a purple monster...



Wisdom Teeth Are Cocksuckers

Unfortunately due to some unforeseen health issues, I need to travel to the United States to get medical care because apparently dental work isn't covered under Canada's health coverage (unless it's life threatening), and it's going to be cheaper to get it done stateside...

So anyway it looks like I'm going to be spending a few months in California while all this runs it's course, fortunately I have a client I can work for in exchange for room and board, so that's swell!

It does still blow though, I was hoping to take a few months off to work on my cartoon, however since I can't continue to drink Xanax and wine every night to help me cope with the pain, I don't have much of a choice...

Wisdom teeth are cocksuckers >:(

People these days are so fucked up:

A few months back a "friend" asked to borrow some money to do some shady record deal, he needed $100.00 from me so he could appear on a "Young Nobel" mixtape or something. He was in the red at this point, but he promised me he would pay me back by a certain date.

This did not transpire because the job that was supposed to be lined up for him fell through, and he was owed money from a previous job that didn't come through, I can empathize with these situations because they've happened to me, so I let it slide.

Fast forward a couple of months and he still owes me the $100.00, on top of an extra $30 I lent him for food/gas, I end up pulling some strings and land him a fulltime job at "Burger King", which he promptly turned down...

Why would anyone who is broke, and about to be homeless not take a full time job, when work is so fucking scarce? Personally I couldn't fathom turning down a job if I were broke (and living in the recession capital of Canada) this dude's reasoning was "It's a corporation, I don't work for corporations, it's a philosophical thing", what kind of retarded solipsistic prima donna shit is that?!

It's not like I was asking him to give blowjobs under a bridge to homeless gentlemen, or to sling heroin on a street corner, I was asking him to take a job so he could pay me back what I was owed. I can deal with someone not paying me because they can't find work to do so, but I can't stand this kind of selfish posturing, and lack of responsibility.

The stupid didactic lecture he gave me when I brought this up is priceless, I'll paraphrase it for you "if you have bills coming up you shouldn't rely on your debts, and spend thousands on booze and art". It takes some balls to say something like that to a person you owe money to, it would be one thing if he was in the black telling me off, but the dude is in the red, TO ME!!!

The audacity and hypocrisy of that comment flabbergasted me, I could have just as easily have said if your broke maybe you shouldn't have asked me for money for that "Young Nobel" deal, and stop smoking weed.

I need the money, my back tooth got fucked up and needs to be taken out, I couldn't have seen it coming, and it's his caustic behaviour towards my situation that pisses me off. I remember a few years back I owed rent money, so I hawked my Katana that was signed by David Carradine (a gift from my ex fiance), I did this not because I wanted to, but because it was my responsibility to owe up to my debts.

The fact that he owes my partner $1500.00 in back rent makes me even more upset, and the damage he caused to the house I'm in is down right infuriating. I don't know where in history people came to feel so entitled, but that's what's wrong with the world nowadays.

It's $130.00, I have more money set aside elsewhere, and in the grand scheme of things it's chump change to someone with a job, so I wont lose sleep. The principle of what happened, and the lack of respect is what makes my blood boil, I still wish him well, but with that attitude he wont get far in life, and the guy just lost a friend...

So anyway there are going to be some delays due to these circumstances (Although I'm working a full night on my cartoon right now).

Thanks,
- Celx


Insanity Bohemian Style...

2012-11-27 19:24:22 by Celx-Requin
Updated

Someone I never met, but in a way I know

Life is weird, things come up that remind you everything is relative. I met this girl a few months back, she is really cool, and I instantly knew there was something intrinsic about her we had in common, just the way she acted reminded me of the cool people I once knew from my past.

I asked her where she was born, and it turns out my intuition was correct, we were from the same province, it's so queer how one is able to instantly pick up on things based on another persons actions.

It's kind of like people who can catch lies by understanding the subtle changes in a persons voice, or gestures, it's kind of remarkable, I'm always flabbergasted at people with these unique abilities. I know this dude who can make this weird noise that sounds like a midget being raped by a baboon, and whenever he does this deer will show up.

It's like a superpower (albeit really lame one), still I wish I had a lame superpower...
I also wish I had a dog, I get really lonely because the fucking people in this granny fucking city suck, and aren't up to doing anything other than drugs, uhhhggg.

I do plan on getting a dog soon, after I move to my new place, I'm going to go to the pound and get the most hideous dog they have that's slated to be killed because it's so fugly and grotesque, I'm going to name it after an ex girlfriend, yeah that seems like a solid plan.

Then again my "solid plans" never really transpire how I think they will, I recently took a trip to an art gallery opening in Los Angeles, the plan was to take the amtrak, and then get a room at a hotel. When I took my trip I didn't bring any U.S.D. because I assumed that since the Canadian Dollar is above par, retailers in the U.S. would just accept my money, that would turn out to be a devastating assumption.

Anyway my story begins after I took the amtrak (that was cool and fun), but when I got to L.A. it was 1:00am and everything was closed except the nightclubs, but I wasn't too worried about it cause I just figured I'd check into the hotel and all would be well.

But when I got to the hotel and tried to pay the cashier, he looked at my money, then looked at me with a hideous, contorted scowl, and scoffed "we don't take your Canadian funny money here", and I replied "alright that's fine, but can you please tell me where I can exchange my money?".

He refused to answer my question and hobbled off, leaving me carrying all my luggage, and a very shady part of California (Venice Beach), so after an hour of walking and dodging chainsaw jugglers, and rat handlers, I came across a strip plaza!

The plaza even had a currency exchange place...
Of course it was closed, so at this time I tried to call my one friend in California from my cell to see if he could lodge me for the night, unfortunately because I have a Canadian cell, it wouldn't work in the states...

I then proceeded to enter the 24 hour liquor mart, and asked them if I could use their phone to call my friend, the teller told me it was a business phone, so no dice. That was so fucking lame, that shit would never happen in Canada...

So I decided to camp out in front of the currency exchange place until it opened, it was nice enough outside that I figured I could do it comfortably. Around 3:00am a nice Mexican gentleman comes up to me and asks what's going on, I speak to him in spanish and explain my situation, he looks at me and says "shit man that sucks", then smirks and says with a toothy grin "YOU CAN STAY WITH ME TONIGHT!".

I figure since I need to make it to the art gallery tomorrow, and need some rest, I'll accept this extremely shady proposition.

We walked to his truck, I get inside, and what happens next is scary, the dude locks the truck and starts weeping profusely, about how "Romney fucked him", and how he can't afford to feed his kids.

After the water works end, he does a line of coke, and we drive to his place, when we enter his apartment, I see a chunky woman standing with her arms crossed looking directly at me... OH SHIT!

She goes batshit crazy and starts screaming at my new found friend, "who the fuck is this?! Why the hell do you keep bringing these people home?!", Then she starts whipping pots and dishes at us, so we book it back to the dudes truck. He looks at me and says "sorry bro we can't stay here tonight, but I know some friends that will definitely let us crash at their place!".

So I hop back in his truck, and we drive to the back of a Walgreens parking lot, in the bushes we find a group of illegals smoking weed, and doing coke.

The boss of this group walks up to me and says "hey brother you friends with Carlos?", I nodded not knowing the implications of doing so, and this "boss", looks at me and says with eyes wide open "If you're a friend of Calrlos then you're a friend of mine, here have a line".

To which I responded "naw man, I think I'm good", he looks at me and says "you sure?", I shake my head like a pants on head retard and mutter "it's a really generous offer, but I'm good".

So anyway I'm sit with these dudes for a few hours, then we see a light, and a helicopter goes by, and I hear one of them scream "IT'S THE ICE!!! RUN!!!".

Now being the innocent Canadian I am, I think I'm in no trouble since I have my passport and shit, but Carlos grabs me and says we need to run because "they catch us all", so he grabs me, and shoves me in some bushes with 5 other Mexicans.

At this point I don't know what circle of hell I'm in but I know it's got to be pretty bad (and smells like Mexican sardines).

So I spent 4 fucking hours in a horribly contorted position sandwiched together between the five other Mexicans, until the police stopped arresting people, and I was able to escape.

At this point it was morning, and I was able to change my monies, and visit the art gallery, even though I was exhausted.

Life can turn fucking weird.

P.S. the first act of "A Twisted Transparency", is almost done!

Thanks,
- Celx


It must blow to be female...

2012-10-24 10:12:17 by Celx-Requin
Updated

I actually wrote something completely different, but opened a new window by accident that deleted all of it...
What I wrote before took me a while, and I'm too upset to re-write it, plus it's going to be more relevant next month, so in lue of that here are thoughts on things completely unrelated.

Women

A lady friend, and I went to a film a few days back, and afterwards we went out for a couple of drinks, in between our boozy discussion she told me that she had split from her boyfriend. I've always had a massive hard on for this girl, which greatly disturbs me to the point I think I may be suffering from a paraphilia considering how much she aggravates me, and vice versa.

My attraction to her is also weird considering I'm not fond of brunettes, and her "sugary earth child" attitude makes me want to puke a little, although she is well read, and likes to get out so that may be it.

This news overwhelmed me and I started making several inappropriate passes towards her, if you know me personally I'm not really one who's concerned with being likeable, or politically correct, I think most people would describe me as a likeable asshole.

Even so these passes were genuinely offensive, in retrospect even to me, and ended up garnering me a well deserved bitch slap.

Overall though she seemed alright by the end of the night, and I gave her a hug ect...
The next day I apologized, and haven't heard back from her in days, so clearly that is not the case.

Which is the standard operating procedure between us, I do or say something to piss her off, we don't talk for a month then somehow we become chummy again, it's a horrible vicious cycle really... I think she likes pissing me off, which is fair since the feeling is mutual.

This whole incident did get me thinking though, it must kinda suck to be a woman, they need to deal with so much shit that men don't need to.

I mean they need to shave their arms and legs, deal with weird vagina problems, the grossness of pregnancy, pain of childbirth, guys willing to do and say anything to get into their pants then dump them like trash afterwards (at least on this front I am innocent).

Allow me to continue, they also need to deal with expensive ad campaigns that promote an unrealistic body image, shit from men for being too "promiscuous", shit from rejected men for being too "stuck up", lewd comments, and consistent passes (which I am so totally guilty of).

There is more of course, I can't fathom what it's like to be a woman, which is why my philosophy has always been to treat girls I like as "one of the guys", which has met mixed results.

That night I was probably too candid though, but if I need to defend myself I will do so by relaying this story I was told as a kid by some random homeless drunk Indian.

" There once was a wolf that was terrorizing a small village eating the townspeople, the wolf lived in a cave at the top of a desolate mountain.

One day there was an earthquake, and the wolf became trapped in the cave under some rocks, a child who must have been a retard or something decided to adventure up the mountains, and came across the cave where the wolf resided.

The wolf noticed the child and said "Hey kid help me out here, I'm trapped under these rocks, and they're squishing my nuts."

The kid said "Man I don't know, you like eat people".

The wolf replied "Guy don't be cold, my balls are getting crushed, I promise if you let me go I won't eat you, we're going to be super tight after this, and I'll let you ride on my back, you will get laid so bad".

The child stood in pensive thought, and after a bit of time decided to take the wolf up on his offer.

Once freed the wolf bite out the child's neck, and as he lay dying the child exclaimed "man what the fuck!? We had a deal!".

To which the wolf snickered "Dude what did you expect? I'm a fucking wolf".
Then he ate his carcass."

My point is I'm an unrepentant asshole, so what did she expect?
Furthermore I'm a guy, and if you've ever listened to Glenn Wilson's lectures on male and female sexuality you'll know men get drunk off women they're attracted to (seriously being attracted to a women will impair a man's judgment).

Even so all that shit must be fucking infuriating, thank god the only "gina" I have is a "mangina".

Also on a related note you guys should watch the cartoon "Perfect Blue", it's creepy and perfect for halloween. There will be a massive announcement next week!

Bye,
- Celx



Pulsating Vaginal Intercourse:

Since reclaiming my "resources" after several years of struggling just to make ends meet, I've come to some realizations about society and living in general, specifically in the realm of getting pussy.

First off there are winners and losers, and it's better to be a part of the former than the latter, not everybody is special and we need to stop pretending that's the case; generally if you're an artist you're gonna join the ranks of societies "losers".

These are the five things that define what a loser is in order of their significance in hindering you on you're quest for tits and ass.

1). Income.
2). Weight.
3). Personality.
4). Influence.
5). Location

Below I will act as a self appointed counsellor on these matters despite the fact I shouldn't be saying fuck all. However given that I'm sitting on sexy $500 tufted leather next to a $1500 mahogany desk, with a woodblock print of a octopus preforming cunnilingus in the quadruple digits framed behind me, along with the phone numbers of the foxy smart women I know on my swanky new smart phone, which I comfortably keep in my salient $3000 bespoke suit; I feel inclined to bestow what little advice I can on the nature of getting laid.

Income:

Frankly given the obscene amount of people looking to enter the artistic field, chances are slim one with a mediocre skill set is going to be able to find employment. It doesn't really matter if you have a university level education or not, the field is already saturated with too many talented people vying for the same position, what really matters is talent and skill; and most art students I've seen are horrible (I've been beefing up my cache of graphic designers for private projects after making some fuck you money).

There is something unethical about these cash strapped universities/colleges taking in people with no talent for their art programs when most of these kids aren't up to snuff, and more to the point the jobs in the arts field in relation to the "entertainment" sector are getting raped (I.E. film production).

I worked for an extremely salacious softcore porn company in my youth, I have a client who writes for the Toronto Star, and a pal who works at Disney, plus some friends in the union and spoke clubs; from speaking with these individuals let me tell you the outlook for getting a good paying job in this society where unapologetic piracy is rampant, and viscous competition is getting more aggressive is slim unless you're some sort of prodigy (or have an in with someone with a bit of power).

So chances are if you're an artist person, you're not going to be gainfully employed, if you're lucky to be employed at all, which means chances are you aren't going to get laid often, and honestly will never be able to maintain a stable relationship.

This of course doesn't apply to women, cause guys will always be willing to fuck a girl regardless of her future prospects as long as she does not have a fetus protruding from her face, and isn't a fatty patty. We men have low fucking standards, women on the other hand do not...

I hated my biological father, he was a deadbeat, but I do remember riding with him in his Jaguar, during these times he would bestow fatherly advice, two sayings in particular about women stand out in vividly in my mind.

1). A good woman will love a poor man, any woman will love a rich man, and no woman will love a broke man.

2). Women say men only want one thing, women on the other hand want everything.

Afterwards he would roll down the car windows, and tell my younger sibling and I to point and laugh at any obese person who was unfortunate enough to cross my fathers vehicle of humiliation, he would also honk and pretend to swerve into cyclists but that's another story altogether.

Anyway back to my point, if you're broke chances are you're not going to get laid, I mean think about it, why would anyone worth dating ever be caught with someone with a shitty income?

One could make an argument that at if least you're good looking, funny, smart, and nice a women will see through you're broke ass brokeness and fall in love regardless, that however will never be the case dear reader.

A girl may end up hanging out with you, however the reason she's doing so isn't because you're a nice guy and she want's to take you're man milk into her larva sack, naw brother she wants a doormat, and if you're broke that's all you'll ever be; unless you're willing to settle for some John Merrick looking sow.

Now I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with dating a woman resembles a skesis, I am saying that if you're a cunt like me that won't do, and any self respecting man who isn't hiding under the ostentation of finding the "one" who will accept them for who they are and expects "the one" to look pretty; is going to need to work on getting themselves to the same level of the kind of chick they want to have a relationship with. And the most important part of that puzzle is income.

Weight:

Being fat is absolutely repugnant, it's revolting to see someone who doesn't care enough about themselves to keep a stable weight, it's a sign of poor health, it's a "I don't give a fuck attitude"...

However it doesn't leave the same sexy impression as smokers invoke with their "I'm going to die anyway so I don't give a fuck" attitude, it's more like "I've completely given up on life to the point where I'm having trouble moving, but that's ok because going outside is scary, and I'd rather eat Doritos while jerking off to sailor moon".

Now if you're a plutocrat, then it doesn't matter how fat you are, women like everyone else are sycophants attracted to power, so this is a sort of tier I created for acceptable fatness in relation to wealth for the purposes of attracting a "decent" women.

Tier one| not fat: $20000-$30000 per year after taxes.
Tier two| lumpy: $40000 per year after taxes.
Tier three| frumpy: $50000 per year after taxes.
Tier four| fat: $60000 per year after taxes.
Tier five| morbidly obese: $70000-$100000 per year after taxes (depending on girth).

So as you can see while being fat is a deterrent for most women, you can still land a foxy babe regardless in accordance to you're income.

Pragmatically speaking though being fat isn't sexy unless you live in a war torn country were food is scarce, and people would be willing to kill one another for a can of cat giblets, in these circumstances being fat may be a sign of status!

I'll put it like this smoking is considered unsexy because it's unhealthy, people have been too politically correct with the fatties out there, being fat is unsexy for the same reason, is there anything more depressing than someone who doesn't respect themselves?

Personality:

The capital sin of any relationship is being boring.

Laughter is the universal language sparked from the unexpected, it doesn't matter how it's obtained, if you fancy you're self a physical comedian use that, I'm more of an insult comic, generally taking shots at everyone including myself; Christopher Hitchens once said something to the tune of "humour is the great equalizer, if a man is broke or ugly, he better at least be able to make a woman laugh".

Learn about shit, go to movies, volunteer, travel, exercise, study the history of the place you live, be outgoing; no one wants to hang out with a corpse, you're alive so live a little.

Personality is a abstract issue, so it's impossible to say exactly what will get you where, other than don't be boring,
treat people with respect, but don't be a push over either, form you're own opinions on shit and defend them if you need to but try to be diplomatic and listen.

Influence:

Getting people to respect you is tough because as the saying goes "everyone is out to fuck you, some are just nice enough to use lubricant", this is a rule everyone knows about, "the selfish gene" as Richard Dawkins would call it.

I have friends I love, but not for a second do I think they would hang out with me if I couldn't offer them something, I'm not talking about material things, but companionship intrinsic to the basis of any friendship.

Sometimes however it's better to cut friends loose, or at least mitigate who interacts with who, because you will be judged by the company you keep. I like to think I run in all sorts of circles, but a classy babe probably won't feel comfortable hanging out with an ex con, just like a clubber wouldn't feel at place hanging out at a D&D convention. Why introduce people to one another if they aren't of the same ilk, and aren't gonna get along?

There is something sexy about being well liked, Machiavelli knew this and in his masterpiece "The Prince" he said "the paradox of power is it needs to be given". Try to get along with everyone, but if you do need to get into a beef with someone, make sure to get everyone feeling the same way you do before you do anything brash.

Volunteer, donate, be nice to people, so when you're partner is talking to someone at a party while you're taking another shot of whatever poison it is you like to indulge in, that person they're taking to will say "yeah that guy is pretty cool".

If people think you're a callous cunt, that reputation could turn cancerous and spread into your relationships.

Location:

On rare occasion, one may not be to blame for their lack of luck, perhaps the individual in question is too cultured for the backwards reptilian spawn which inhibits their area, so if you live in a town similar to the one depicted in that movie deliverance, move somewhere better...

In conclusion/the spin:

People want to be with winners, and the above will help you achieve that, you don't need to have an education to be successful, I keep company with high school dropout's who've done astonishingly well, you don't need to be born into money to succeed either; if you have the motivation to do something you can cut a good life for yourself if you save and keep working hard.

Spin things in you're favour, I mean I won the critics pick for "Cooljaw:Dreaming Darkly", it's a pretty useless award in the grand scheme of things, but when I talk about it I'm all like "I got the critics pick award for my story against like 1000 people including the playboy animator", and people are all like woah that's kind of cool.

I volunteer at the salvation army, realistically I don't do it that often (once a month), but the fact that I do it at all makes people be like "hey that Celx cocksucker is a pretty decent bloke".

Stop being losers and get laid, FUCK!
- Celx Requin

A Twisted Transparency:

It's coming along slowly but surely, I'm still not sure how I'm going to release it given that the fucking prologue is already close to 20mb's

I'm thinking about just releasing them as sessions, with a bunch of special features but I don't know...
We'll see, we'll see, expect a trailer for the holiday season!

And check out the swanky poster for the film here!

Pulsating vaginal intercourse, & why other people get laid & you don't + A twisted transparency update...